Hackley students have a tradition of asking their peers to prom in such an extravagant fashion that they have been likened to marriage proposals – hence the nickname “promposals.” While some new teachers don’t even know what the word means, promposals are a notorious aspect of prom season at Hackley. They increase school spirit for prom each year since they often involve many people and create a spectacle.

Some introverted students dislike this ostentatious tradition, because it comes with pressure to step out of their comfort zones. The Dial believes that while the tradition has become popular for positive reasons, it has its shortcomings as well. There is now a negative stigma surrounding smaller, more private promposals, which deters some students from asking altogether. “I loved my big prom ask because it was a surprise, but intimate, smaller ones are just as amazing if thought is put into it,” says Senior Kat Cucullo. Another negative is that the public nature of larger prom asks can guilt girls into saying yes regardless of who asks them, even if they were planning to go with someone else who had not actually “prom-posed” yet.  

Just like any proposal-—business, marriage, or otherwise—planning for a promposal takes courage and consideration, particularly for those who choose to ask in a public manner. It puts pressure on the individual who ‘pops the question’, especially if the individual is concerned about the response this question will beget. In recent years, there has been an unspoken rule amongst the community that the answer to any promposal should be “yes”. Advocates of this principle point to the brevity of prom, which is only one night and could probably be limited to a few photos and a slow dance, and (given the public nature of many promposals) advocates promote consideration of the asker’s confidence.  

However, The Dial believes that no one should be obligated to say yes to anyone, and the public nature of prom asks should not serve as a manipulative factor in their decision. “I feel that if it is unexpected, it puts a very unpleasant, public pressure and attention on the recipient. What if she (or, I suppose he, although I don’t know whether that has occurred at Hackley) doesn’t want to go to prom with the asker? S/he is forced in the moment to say yes, to avoid embarrassing the asker, and then, I suppose, must either have a private conversation with the asker to explain why this isn’t happening or go anyway, somewhat under duress,” said Hackley’s classics chair, Dr. Adrienne Pierce.

Of course, there are particular scenarios that seem to justify this claim more than others (having a significant other, for example), but regardless, everybody should be able to enjoy their prom with whomever they want. Just as the asker chooses who they are asking to prom, any individual should be able to choose their response, and ultimately choose who they want to go to prom with as well.

The apparent necessity for extravagance is the real root of all this controversy; respecting promposals that aren’t so ostentatious would create a space for more reserved students to ask someone more comfortably, without feeling that their ask was inadequate. Moreover, it would allow for someone being asked to feel more confident about giving a genuine answer, because their concern would not be about the immediate backlash or criticism towards themselves or the asker.

With the acceptance of less showy promposals should also come the acceptance of declining someone; the stigma of shame in a decline should be eradicated for similar reasons that some believe acceptance should be obligatory. Prom is just one night, and can be limited to a couple photos and a dance. If the person asked chooses to spend that time with someone else, then it is hardly a big deal in the end. It is just one night, and if one person says no, there are still hundreds of other people within Hackley and obviously many more outside of Hackley’s community whom someone could invite to prom. “It’s absolutely okay for anyone to say no to prom,” said Kat, “Prom is supposed to be a good time to dance with your friends and no one should feel obliged to go with anyone they don’t want to,” she adds.

The complication arises with the idea that these private prom asks would become the norm as fear of rejection does as well, and the spirit behind promposals would be lost altogether. To encourage students to continue this wonderful tradition, we need to be accepting of both the private and public asks, as both cater to the needs of different people.